I went to a small group session for wives of men with this problem, where I discovered that a woman who views herself as her husband's helpmeet is an "enabler", and a woman who is too focused on her family is "co-dependent".  A woman who believes that her value and worth as a woman created by God is in fulfilling the high call of being a wife and mother has some "self esteem issues".  A woman who believes in self-sacrificing in order to see God's will perfected in her family and neighborhood has a "boundaries crises".

I felt betrayed by God. Here I was, with five small children, no job and no means to have a job that could pay for the daycare of all of my children, no car in my name, no credit history, and a husband who did this!  I felt somehow that it was God's duty to keep anything bad from happening to me, and I felt like God had turned His back on me completely. 

I was standing in line at the grocery store when I noticed a young man with a bracelet that said WWJD.  Good question, I thought.  What would Jesus do?  As soon as I asked myself what Jesus would do about personal boundaries, a verse popped into my mind.   "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made himself of no reputation, taking the form of a servant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross." (Philippians 2:5-8) What would Jesus do?  I believe that question has already been settled.