I still was not in a right relationship with the Lord, and I was still very much out of fellowship with my family. On the outside I am sure I still looked like a "good Christian mother" but on the inside only the Lord and I know how filthy I had allowed myself to become.  But I was making some efforts towards restoring my relationship with my husband, a relationship that I had neglected for some time.  I began praying for the first time in a long time for the Lord to show me what to do. 

I heard the words in my head:  "Dethrone Vashti".  That confused me, because I assumed that Vashti was sort of a heroine of modesty and independent womenaround the world. However as I prayerfully re-read Esther Chapter 1, I noticed that there is no favorable mention of Vashti.

Still in doubt, I searched Matthew Henry's Commentary, and what I read changed my relationship with my husband. Matthew Henry stated that King Ahasuerus was perhaps wrong for asking Vashti to come before all the men, but that he didn't inherently do anything wrong, just culturally incorrect for his day and culture. On the other hand, despite his faults, Vashti was more at fault for, as Henry put it, being perhaps a bit too "precise". That hit me like a dagger. That was me.  I was a bit too precise about everything concerning my husband's faults.

My mind flashed to previous scenes. I had smashed his television set in self-righteous anger over its presence in our home. Although I don't feel we should have one, that was not my decision to make; he is the head of the home, and I opted to, rather rudely and disrespectfully, take a leadership role in that matter.