There were other areas too, such as the spending of money and running of the finances in the household. I remember taking away the checkbook from him and treating him like a stupid child over his "mismanagement" of the funds. Because he didn't attend church every time the doors were opened, I considered him a second class Christian. There were all sorts of little things in which I had treated him with utter disrespect and disregard.

I realized that although he had broken covenant with me, I had likewise not been a perfect wife either. I had a “Vashti spirit” – a spirit that nit-picks, chooses where to submit, and never forgets a wrong. I, indeed needed to dethrone that spirit of Vashti from my heart. 

I prayed and fasted for a while and then went to my husband.  I told him that I needed to talk to him about something serious. His face reflected horror. We had never actually addressed, face to face, this whole situation. He had become indignant and cold toward me, and I was afraid of the blowup we were going to have.

Instead, to his shock and surprise, I said,  "Honey, I love you, and I want to submit to you and be your helpmeet.  Please forgive me for being such a lousy wife these last few years...” We went on to discuss the pornography situation, and resolved that.

Martin was completely disarmed by my submissive attitude towards him. I believe that God softened his heart when I finally determined to do things God's way, rather than my own way. As we prayed together, and discussed ways that I could help him fight this temptation and be a better helpmeet, Martin was restored in his relationship to me and to the Lord. He has become victorious in this area once again.

Most of the counselors I had seen felt that a woman who believed in being a submissive helpmeet would cause her husband not to respect her and treat her even worse, but let God be true and every man a liar!

God's ways are the best ways. They work far better than our "Christianized" humanistic philosophies that we think are so wonderful.  It wasn't until I set out to live 1 Peter 3:1-6 (which is written to wives of men who are "disobedient to the Word" in mind!), that our marriage relationship began to be restored.