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They Said my Baby had Died!
I was pregnant with our fifth child and I began to bleed. After bleeding for two weeks I decided to go to the ER. I had hoped for an ultrasound, but they were too busy that night. They took a blood test and said my BETA numbers were 122xxx and told me to call a doctor the next day. I called a doctor and two days later went to have more blood drawn. The next day I went back to the doctor. She told me that my numbers had dropped to 111xxx. She said this indicated a miscarriage and the need for an ultra sound. I was scared and kept praying. We went into the ultrasound room and she began to scan. We saw what looked to be a dead baby of about four to five weeks. There was no heart beat, just a dead form.
I was nine weeks at that time. She said the baby had died and gave me three options: 1. Take pills to complete the miscarriage.
2. Have a D&C.
3. Wait and let nature take its course.
I decided I would wait it out. That day ALL my bleeding stopped. Many people were very upset with me for not scheduling a D&C. They told me I could die or I could lose my uterus. I told them as long as I did not have a fever, I felt that I was fine. I felt at peace with my decision and continued to pray. Many years ago I read an article called Protect Your Womb on the Above Rubies web site. From that point on I had started to pray for the health of my womb. This came to my mind many times during my wait. I leaned on the Lord and kept trusting.
Each day I waited for the cramping I knew would come. It never did. I was supposed to go back to the doctor after two weeks but one of my children had gotten sick. I didn’t make it back until four weeks later.
The day before I saw the doctor, I was talking to a lady at church, and told her nothing had happened and I was fearful the doctor would try to convince me to have a D&C. I really wanted to avoid that. She looked at me and said, “Do you think they were wrong? Do you think you could still be pregnant?” I had not thought of that. I saw the image on the ultrasound machine. I agreed with what the doctor had seen. At first I thought it was cruel of her to give me a small peace of hope. I couldn’t deal with my sadness and have this small hope too.
The next day I went to the doctor and the nurse asked what happened. “Nothing,” I said, “I have had no bleeding or cramping.” “Maybe the baby is still there,” she replied. I began thinking, “No, don't put that in my mind.” The small piece of hope was there but I couldn’t let myself think of it. But what if? The doctor came in, “So, nothing happened?” she said. I told her nothing had. She asked if I still had pregnancy symptoms. I had to think on that a moment because I hadn’t even thought of having symptoms. I had thought the baby died and that was it. But after a while I had to say, “Yes!” “Let’s do an ultra sound,” she said. I told her there was no way for my dates to be off because I had an early positive pregnancy test and knew the date I conceived.
I lay down, barely able to breath. She scanned and exclaimed, “There is the baby's head!” She moved down a little, “I see two arms and they MOVED!” Then she saw the heartbeat! A HEARTBEAT! Can you believe it? I was shocked, thrilled and scared all at the same time. The baby was measuring 13 weeks, exactly where I was supposed to be!
As I left the office I broke down. I cried and praised the Lord, thanking Him for sparing my baby’s life. If I had chosen any other option but to wait, I would have killed my baby. I called my husband and he couldn’t believe it.
On July 14, 2005 I went in for my fifth c-section and my miracle baby was born. We named her Julianna Grace because God graciously spared her life. After five c-sections I was curious about the shape of my uterus. I asked the doctor what my uterus looked like. He told me that it looked very good and he was surprised there was very little scar tissue after having five c-sections. I thanked the Lord. I know that my prayers for my womb had been answered.
ANNETTE WAY
Springfield, Missouri, USA
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Reese and Annette’s children are Audrey (14), Brionna (10), Amanda (7), Joseph (4), Julianna (18 months) and new baby Erica born January 2007.
Pregnancy and Kidney Stones
“Well, Mrs. Lloyd, if you are going to refuse to have an abortion, you might as well go back to class. There’s nothing we can do. The bleeding indicates you will eventually miscarry the fetus.” I ran out of the university health clinic with tears streaming down my face. My husband met me in the hall and held me for several long minutes. The year was 1985. I was only 20 years old and he, 22. We were both still in college. We had been married for less than six months, and already, we were facing the possible death of our first baby. Our story actually began in 1984. I was a new Christian; Mike had been a Christian since the age of eight. We were attending the same college, he with the hopes of being drafted by a professional baseball team. When we met, we were both very independent, strong-willed people. But, even early in our relationship, we sought to make Christ the center of our lives. Mike and I got engaged and made plans for our wedding day. Part of those preparations was deciding which kind of birth control we should use. On the first visit to my hometown OB/GYN, I was told I probably would have a very difficult time getting pregnant, because since age 13, I only had my menstrual cycle about once a year. The doctor never determined the cause of my missed periods, but recommended fertility pills in order to bring on my cycle, a necessity for getting started on the birth control medicine. Even as a new Christian, I did not feel comfortable taking medication and tampering with my body’s chemistry. Late that night I prayed to Jesus to intervene and let me get my cycle naturally. It had been over a year, but miraculously, the next day, I started my period. My first major prayer of faith had been answered and I threw away the fertility pills. With only a few months left before marriage, I began taking the birth control pills. I did not like the idea, but I had been so conditioned into thinking that pregnancy was something to avoid, that I saw no alternative. Our wedding day arrived and not long afterwards, Mike’s grandfather began telling us he wanted a grandson. “How dare he?” I thought. “We just got married. I’m not ready for children yet.” The next thing I knew, I began spotting. I thought I might be pregnant, so I immediately stopped taking the Pill. I had heard that if you take birth control while you are pregnant, it could cause deformities in the baby. A pregnancy test proved negative, but I decided not to take any more of the drug. I did not like the way it made me feel and besides, hadn’t the doctor told me I probably wouldn’t get pregnant anyway? The very next month, I conceived. I was in shock. The OB/GYN said it was probably because my body released multiple eggs when I first got off the Pill, and I most likely would never get pregnant again. Shortly after conceiving, I began to bleed heavily. My first visit to the university health clinic was when the doctor told me I should either terminate the pregnancy or face an inevitable miscarriage. No other advice. No compassion. Abortion or miscarriage. Thankfully, even though we didn’t have health insurance at the time, my husband took me to a doctor in his hometown. He was an older gentleman, obviously pro-life, who told me to take off school for two weeks and rest in bed. He wasn’t sure if I had lost a twin or if I had an elevated chorion, but he believed I could deliver my baby full term if I was careful. Soon, the bleeding stopped. Then at about 27 week’s gestation, I experienced a gnawing pain in my left flank. The burning, stabbing spasms came and went in waves. My nurse read my chart and feared the worst. She hooked me up to a monitor and asked me if I was in labor. How should I know? I’d never had a baby before. Eventually the spasms stopped and I was released. The rest of my pregnancy went smoothly and several months later, the Lord gave us a healthy baby boy, whom we named Michael. After delivering Michael, I figured there was no need to try to prevent another pregnancy, as the doctor said the first one was a freak accident. Eleven months passed and, as usual, I did not experience any menstrual periods. I did, however, begin to experience morning sickness. Amazingly, without even having a monthly cycle, I was pregnant again with our second child. Within the hour of arriving home from the hospital with our new little bundle, I was once again writhing in excruciating back pain, the same stabbing spasms I had experienced with Michael. I could not even walk down the stairs, so Mike carried me to the car and we rushed back to the hospital. This time, the cause was determined. I had a large kidney stone in my left ureter which blocked my kidney from draining. Surgery ensued and a slow recovery, but eventually I healed from both the kidney stone attack and usual postpartum pains. It was about this time the Lord began to change my views about the whole idea of birth control. A lady gave me a book by Mary Pride called The Way Home which opened up the Scriptures to me. I remember vividly the day in 1988 when I became convicted to surrender our ideas about “family planning” and allow God to give us children in His perfect time. I was also convinced that we should home educate the children the Lord would give us in order to nurture and train them in His ways. I knew my husband, however, and I knew it would take a small miracle for him to accept these “radical” ideas. Amazingly, when he came home from work that day in 1988, and I shared with him all I had been learning from the Scriptures, Mike replied simply and confidently, “Yes, I agree.” (I didn’t know that he, too, had been reading Mary Pride’s book!) I wish I could say that we never doubted and all was smooth sailing from that point on. There were many difficult trials ahead. In less than a year’s time, I was pregnant with our third child. With a few month’s left in the pregnancy, I developed another kidney stone that lodged in my right ureter. My kidney swelled like a balloon. The pain was unbelievable. At the hospital, I could not even speak, only vomit and moan. I remember turning from side to side in the bed all night long pleading with God for mercy. The doctor could not remove the stone due to the pregnancy. Instead, he inserted a stent extending from my kidney to my bladder around the stone to allow partial drainage. I lay on the couch in constant pain for the remaining months of that pregnancy with a one and a two year old running around the house. The verse that kept coming to mind was Romans 12:1, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” Those days were real faith stretchers. I struggled with tremendous fear about all kinds of things during this time of weakness. Most involved the idea of giving up complete control of my life and my children’s lives to God. I was still a young Christian and was very concerned about being socially accepted. I was painfully aware that living a truly dedicated, Christ-centered life meant losing popularity with the world. The Lord kept reminding me of the verse, “Be ye not conformed to the image of this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God,” (Romans 12:2). Slowly, the Lord changed the desires of my heart and I realized that the world’s riches paled in comparison to the spiritual and eternal rewards that God had in store for our family if only we would serve Him faithfully. As the years have passed, the Lord has continued to bless us with a new baby about every year and a half. Although He has been gracious to give me “easy deliveries”, I have experienced at least one kidney stone attack before, during or after every pregnancy. With two of the babies, I passed over 30 stones and during my tenth pregnancy, I had a severe blockage from a stone and had to have another stent placed in my ureter. Over 21 years, I have undergone multiple lithotripsies, ureteroscopies, cystocopies and stent placements to treat kidney stones. I have had four different urologists, an endocrinologist and a nephrologist consider my case. I have also tried natural remedies, herbs, kidney cleansing, diet changes, massage therapies, chiropractics, reflexology, anointing, fasting and much fervent prayer. All in all, I have passed over 100 stones with much pain and suffering. Although I have had multiple tests done to determine the cause of my kidney stones over the years, all results have been inconclusive until recently. This summer, after the birth of our twelfth baby, I underwent six high-risk surgeries to remove five ureteral stones. Several were impacted in the tissue and were causing kidney blockage, dilation and damage. During this ordeal, my urologist ordered a new set of tests from a different lab. Finally, an abnormality in my body chemistry was detected. I have a citrate deficiency and a high pH level in my urine. I am now taking a mineral supplement called Urocit-K which has proven to get my citrate levels back in check. We are praying this treatment will prevent further problems. Whether I am cured from kidney stone trouble is yet to be seen. Nonetheless, I have come to accept my kidney stones as simply “thorns in the flesh” which the Lord uses to keep me dependent on His strength, not my own. I know in my heart that the painful testing periods over the last two decades have developed my faith and perseverance. God tells us in James 1:3-6, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” I have also learned that whether it is a physical, mental, spiritual, financial, or marital problem that our family faces, the Lord is faithful to solve it if we humble ourselves, pray, search the Scriptures and submit our wills to Him. Whenever I am at “my wits end,” I know that it is only because I am trying to control a situation in my own strength and not relying on God’s wisdom and power. The words of Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths,” give us comfort when Satan’s hurls his attacks. We praise the Lord for His mercy and grace and give Him all the glory for the work He is accomplishing in us. SUE LLOYD Moore, South Carolina, USA
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God has blessed Mike and Sue with 12 children--Michael, Jr.(20), Mary Beth (19), Mandy (18), Isaac (16), Abby (14), Matt (12), Becky (11), Timmy (8), Sarah (7), Sam (4), Anne (3) and Chloe (1).
Don't Need To Fear
After my miscarriage, I conceived three months later. I was so happy, but completely overwhelmed with fear. I was paralyzed. I didn’t want to move in case I lost the baby. I was so afraid of losing another baby. In a desperate prayer to God, I told Him I didn’t want to fear and have all my joy suffocated in its clutches. He answered me with perfect peace and engraved this message in my heart. “I don’t have to fear, and I don’t need to fear, for I am in the grip of His hand forever more” I knew from then on that my future was in God’s hands and He wants the best for me. Even when it doesn’t go as I have planned, God has a bigger vision in mind. It was a wonderful fear-free pregnancy and I gave birth to a healthy baby girl named Chalice Hosanna, meaning “a beautiful vessel of praise unto God.” SERENE ALLISON
Lullaby of Love
I lost a baby between my first and second children. Although it was an early miscarriage, it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I was so excited to be expecting another life, that when the pregnancy test showed positive, I went into my yard and literally did cartwheels of joy. In the middle of the night I would wake up crying and tell my husband how much I missed my lost baby, our baby who I would never get to hold. I wrote this song as a tribute to my baby in heaven and I didn’t plan on anyone hearing it besides my husband. One week later I went to an Above Rubies retreat to sing and many ladies came up to me sympathetically and shared their story of losing a baby. I didn’t realize how prevalent miscarriages were, and ended up singing this song as a tribute to their babies as well. When Pearl and I sing this song I can hardly get through it without crying, although God has healed this aching wound. Pearl has also had a miscarriage and sings this song for her baby. When the pain was still fresh and deep, a lady came up to me with her arm around her teenage daughter and told me something that was very healing. She said, “This wonderful daughter of mine has been such a blessing to me and I can’t imagine not having her. I wouldn’t have had her had I not had a miscarriage previously, as she was conceived within the nine months I would have carried my other baby. “Although I miss my baby and long to see him/her, I know my baby was made for heaven and is cradled in God’s love and will never know the pain or darkness of this world. God gave me two babies instead of just one; one to love here on earth and one I am looking forward to meeting and we will worship our Lord together.” Another word of encouragement I received was from my father-in-law who, when I sobbingly told him I lost a baby, said “No! That is the one thing you haven’t done or never have to worry about.” When I thought about this for a while, the truth of that statement sunk in. Yes! My baby is found, and in our Creator’s presence. I will never have to wonder if he or she will be lost to the wiles of this world, but is in heaven where we are all going. We are just pilgrims here and our babies that have gone on are at our destination. What a hope. If you have had a miscarriage too, maybe these words of encouragement will help you also. Above all, I pray our God of comfort will carry you and hold you in his arms until His peace washes all the pain away. Serene Allison
Business Woman Blues
My mother worked while I was growing up so when Tom and I got married, it was only natural that I would work. How else could you obtain the American dream? Mom was always very good in administration and she climbed the ladder. When I started in banking the year before we got married, I also did very well.
Tags:
Birth,
Birth Control,
Childbirth,
C_Section,
Debt,
Family Life,
Family Planning,
Health,
Miscarriage,
Motherhood,
Pregnancy,
PMS Symptoms Increased After Tubal
In 1987, ten months after our fifth child was born, I had a tubal ligation. We were experiencing financial difficulties and thought we couldn’t afford our present situation, let alone any more children!
Heaven's Nursery
HEAVEN'S NURSERY
In Heaven there must surely be
A special place, a nursery
Where 'little spirits' not fully grown
Go to live in their Heavenly home.
The angels must attend with love
Tiny spirits on wings of doves,
The choir of angels must sing lullabies
Maybe quieten their tiny cries.
The Father must come by each day
To cuddle and play in a special way
These tiny spirits left earth too soon
Little ones called Home from the womb.
These sparks of life did not perish
But came to the Father's love to cherish,
To grow and be taught in His own arms
Safely away from all earthly harm.
The comforter was sent to earth at once
To the parents who lost their little one
Their hearts so ache, t heir arms feel empty
The question 'why' seems so tempting.
Then all at once in the midst of tears
There comes a peace that stills the fears
The parents share the Father's own need
To hold their tiny spirit being.
They relinquish their own desperate hold
And release their baby to the Father's fold,
Then comes an angel to whisper the truth
Of a nursery in Heaven bearing rich fruit
Of tiny spirits chosen to worship the Father
A place that couldn't be filled by another,
Called to be spared from the struggles of earth,
Chosen to be one of Heaven's births.
So Father, whisper words of love from me
To our unborn 'life' in your nursery.
By Rebekah Milne, Mildura, SA, Australia, written after her own miscarriage.
Are You Asking The Right Questions? - No. 43
Jeremiah 23:35 NLT, "You should keep asking each other, ‘What is the Lord’s answer?’ or ‘What is the Lord saying?’"
Recently a dear friend came to stay with us for a couple of weeks. On her arrival, she caught up with all the family news. Serene told her of her recent miscarriage at three months pregnant and she responded with, "And what did you learn through it, Serene?" Serene told me later that Sally’s question really provoked her to think more about what she learned from this experience and of all that God taught her. It was a growth question. Too often we ask negative questions of ourselves and even of others. "Why should I have to go through this experience?" "Why has this happened to me?" "What have I done to deserve this?" "Why do I have to live in this cramped house, I deserve a better one?" These are negative questions that come from a root of self-pity or a misunderstanding of the nature of our God. When the children of Israel came into the wilderness, God miraculously and daily provided them with manna. But they soon got tired of it and longed for the food they ate in Egypt. Numbers 11 tells us that they wept tears as they cried out, "Who will give us flesh to eat?" God was displeased with their complaining question. He said He would answer their cry and send them flesh, not just for one day, but for a whole month, so much that it would come out their nostrils! But He sent judgment upon them at the same time. Complaining displeases God because it undermines His faithfulness. Don’t you think it would be a good idea to get into the habit of changing our questions to a positive level? Instead we could ask, "Lord, what are you trying to show me in this situation?" “Lord, in what way are you wanting to change me and enlarge my understanding of you.” Not one of us can avoid going through difficult times in our lives. However, if we sulk and groan in these circumstances, we’ll never grow. We mature through adversity. Maybe God wants to expose something in our lives that is not pleasing to Him. Maybe He is stirring up our nest in order to lead us in a different direction. This is often the only way God can get us to change. Maybe we have been trusting in our own abilities and possessions and this situation will cause us to seek His face and learn to trust Him. It is not easy to go through hard times, but it is always for our good. David wrote Psalm 4 while he was going through one of the most heart-wrenching times of his life. His very own son, Absalom had risen up against him and was seeking to take his crown and kingdom from him. I am sure there could be nothing more grieving than to be betrayed by your own son. But as he was fleeing for his life from Absalom, he wrote the words, "Thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress." (Psalm 4:1. Read also Psalm 18:19; 31:8 and 118:5)The Psalmist also confesses in Psalm 119:67,71,75, "Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word." "It is good for me that I have been afflicted." "Thou in thy faithfulness hast afflicted me." Many years ago I remember reading in one of Watchman Nee’s books about a woman who noticed another lady crying profusely. She went up to her and instead of the usual, "What’s the matter, dear?" she asked her, "Who are you crying for?" Was she crying for herself or were her tears for another? Many times our questions lead to self-pity, rather than growth. Often we use all our tears upon ourselves so that we have no emotions left to pour out in intercession and care for others. May God help us to change our questions to those that will help to bring us into growth, rather than leave us in the rut, or the pit of despair. God loves us too much to leave us where we are. He is not content with letting us stay the same. He wants to lead us on. He wants to change us into the likeness of Christ, from one degree of glory to another. If God did not allow difficulties to come to our lives, we’d stagnate instead of grow. Let’s ask this question continually, "Lord, what are you saying to me? I am listening as I read your precious Word. I want to hear you speak into my heart. What are you telling me through these circumstances I am going through?" Love from NANCY CAMPBELL PRAYER:"Oh dear Father, I pray that you will lift my eyes off myself and how things affect me. Lift up my eyes to see what you are doing in my life. Help me to hear what you are saying to me. Help me to see what you are doing. I know that your ways are higher than my ways and your thoughts are higher than my thoughts. Please, lift me up to your ways and thoughts for I want to move on with you. I don’t want to stay in the ditch of despair. I don’t want to crouch in complaining corner. I want to lift up my eyes, my soul, and my hands and praise you in the midst of my affliction. Thank you, Lord. Amen."
That tomorrow finds us further than today."
Miscarriage
MISCARRIAGE Little baby fastened in my womb Partaker of my life Though hidden from my view Changer of my course Expander of my waist Enlarger And developer of my faith. Oh little one who rented out my room I never thought our lives would be Untied so soon. You left in sudden haste And emptied out my small domain. Child of ours, What is your name? For though I've longed to carry you once more You've already been perfected In the presence of the Lord So my goal for you is gained In a place of great delight And soon in glory We will Re-unite. Written by Janet Carlton, Emily, Minnesota, USA.
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