ABOVE RUBIES NEWSLETTER #1, 2008
Dear precious Above Rubies readers,
ABOVE RUBIES # 73I was hoping to have the new magazine out to you in January. Unfortunately I had some delays, firstly with being in New Zealand for the passing away of my dear father, and also my Design Artist was delayed. At last the magazine is rolling off the presses and we will be sending it out next week. ABOVE RUBIES RETREATS FOR MARCH
We have a lot of Above Rubies retreats coming up this year which you will catch up on in the new magazine. Here are the ones for March in case your magazine doesn’t get to you in time. 29 FEBRUARY – 2 MARCH
5th Annual Alabama and Gulf Coast Ladies Retreat
Camp Baldwin in Elberta, Alabama
For details and registration form, visit the website at www.gulfcoastrubies.com
Contact: Darlene Barnett at 251-931-3309
Or Rosanne Van Cleave at 251-625-2518
Serene, Pearl and Meadow will be singing at this retreat.
14 – 16 MARCH, WASHINGTON
Ladies Retreat at Black Lake Bible Camp, Olympia
Contact Lisa Strickland at 360-297-2717
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Or Heather Bryant at 360-638-2838
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Serene and Pearl will be singing at this retreat.
28 – 30 MARCH, WISCONSIN FAMILY CAMP
10th Annual Retreat at Inspiration Center, Williams Bay
This is a retreat where families come back year after year to meet with one another again! Children can’t wait to see their friends each year. Of course new ones come too. You will love this Family Camp. Try and come if you live in Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana or Michigan.
This camp looks as though it is going to be a wonderful rendezvous of Liberian children as a number of families are coming who have adopted from Liberia.
Contact Roger and Jackie Thelen at 262-723-6557
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
SUPER CELL TORNADO
Serene and Sam got hit by the tornado that came through Tennessee and other states on Tuesday evening 5th February. Praise the Lord, all 15 of them are safe and well. God was very good to them. The tornado screamed right around their house flattening huge big trees on all sides, but amazingly, the house stayed in tact, apart from half the roof flying off.
My husband, Colin, and wonderful teams of volunteers were chain-sawing and clearing for a number of days. ABOVE RUBIES # 74
Now that # 73 is in the printers, I start working on the next one. I would like some feedback on the following subjects:
OCCUPYING TODDLERS WHILE HOMESCHOOLING OLDER CHILREN
I have had requests for this topic. If you have any ideas that really work, I’d love you to share them with other readers. And on the same vain, share if you have any good ideas for keeping little ones quiet in church.
Please type OCCUPYING TODDLERS in the Subject heading.
CARING FOR OLDER PARENTS
I have printed the most beautiful t6estimony in # 73 which you receive shortly about caring for a mother-in-law. It is called Grammy and the Fridge. You will be blessed. However, I am receiving a number of requests for testimonies on this subject.
Put CARING FOR PARENTS on the Subject heading. MOVIES
Thank you so much for all the recommended movies that you sent it. I have them all listed and am just trying to put them in alphabetical order. As soon as I have completed this, I will send them out to you. I know you will love having this list on hand. NURSING STORIES
BEARS DO IT TOO!
I am a 53 year old mother of six grandmother of eight and we have two little foster children aged five and three. The five year old is deaf. My daughter-in-law was visiting last night and began to nurse her little seven month old, Lillyanne under a blanket. The five year old turned to me and asked what Aunt Candice was doing with that baby? I explained, in sign language that she was feeding the baby from her body and that was why God gave Mommies milk in their breast. This little girl had probably never seen or heard of such a thing! She sort of turned up her nose and signed to me, "I saw a bear do that on TV!" My poor daughter-in-law was laughing so hard I am sure Lillyanne got a milk shake!
Tess Quarles, Washington
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
SHE STILL REMEMBERS
My youngest daughter "Abigail" is 2 1/2 now and I nursed her for 17 months. Around December she saw me getting dressed and I still had my top off. She looked up at her half naked Mama and with her precious voice said, "That's Mama's boobies."
"Yes" I said.
"I drink Mama's boobies" she said. I looked at her in absolute amazement. It had been exactly one year since I had nursed her and I always wondered if I'd ever notice her remembering! Wow! It was so neat, and I hope she'll always remember those special times of bonding that we had even if not always able to remember as clearly as she did this particular morning.
Nicole Lamp, Gainesville, Georgia
James and Nicole have three girls--Carly (8), Claire (6), and Abigail (2)
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
A GOOD LAUGH
My 8th child had a congenital cataract and had his 1st surgery at one month old. I was so sad about his health that I had not laughed for the entire month--and we love to laugh at our house. After the surgery, Josh had to have a small shield taped over his eye for two weeks. I have always slept with my little nurslings. One morning, I woke up and the little shield was no longer taped to Josh's eye, but had come off during the night and was taped to my breast! I laughed until I cried!
Sandra Griffitts
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
ABOVE RUBIES SPECIALS
I recently ordered your "Be Fruitful and Multiply" book. This book is truly a work from the Lord. My husband and I are going through it together and are so blessed by it. We have four blessings so far. My husband is hoping to get up to 10 blessings.
You are giving me a vision to teach these principles at our church and share them with friends. I am thinking I should order a larger quantity of your books so I can share it freely, while the price is low.
Amanda Wolfe
The BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY SPECIAL will finish on Monday 25th! If you wish to cash in on this HALF PRICE SPECIAL which will not be available again, you would need to do something quickly.
Do it through Paypal through the website, www.aboverubies.org or give us a call at 1877 729 9861 to pay by credit card.
The next special starts the next day. This time we are making the DVD set, RECLAIMING GOD’S PURPOSE FOR WOMEN available with a discount of $10.00! You can receive the four DVDs for only $20.00!!!
Reclaiming your Marriage
Reclaiming your Motherhood
Reclaiming your Home
Reclaiming your Attitudes
☺Enjoy watching them personally!
☺Invite friends into your home to join with you!
☺Plan a Day Seminar in your home or church!
☺Plan a Monthly Seminar in your home or church. Play one DVD each week and enjoy a Potluck meal together as you fellowship and discuss the message on the DVD! MIDWIFE TO BE
I have a Midwife To Be course that is by mail.
Go to www.newlifehomebirth.com for more information.
Lisa Aman
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
QF BLOG
I wanted to share what I hope to be a resource for your readers who have their own blogs on the internet. I started a quiverful blogroll, to try and connect QF minded families on the blogosphere. If you are interested please consider passing along the web address.
http://www.mamaarcher.com/2007/11/introducing-quiverfull-blogroll.html
Kristine Anderson
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
SNUGGLED TOGETHER We are a family of six. We have four children ranging from 11-2. Our only son is six. We live in a three-bedroom trailer. It is on nine acres so we do have some room to stretch out. I believe living in a small home has kept us all close. I get tickled because we bought bunk beds, a set for each of the children’s rooms. But our children all manage to sleep in the same room with each other every night! Even though I put them in their own space, they can’t help wanting to snuggle together.
When we looked at bigger homes with five bedrooms the children all whined about who would sleep in the same rooms together. But when I said, “You will all have your own room,” they all replied, “No thanks.”
Robin
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
THE VACANT SUPPER TABLE
I am in the middle of your Bible Study, “The Family Table and Hospitality” and I must say--WOW! We have always had supper together, prayers at the beginning and end, and sometimes with family devotions (however we now do the devotions at bedtime for the children although' your study makes a strong case for changing back to supper-time devotions). There is always much lively family discussion time, and most nights there is also discussion of a Bible topic too.
Both my husband and I were raised with meals being eaten as a family at the table. However, I have a sister-in-law who rarely (only on special occasions) ate dinner with her parents and brothers. Her mom would make the food, keep it warm on the back of the stove, and then whenever someone was hungry, they'd help themselves, eat in the kitchen or the living room in front of the T.V. When she dated my brother, this was their regular fashion while visiting at mealtime at her parents' home. However, prior to their marriage, my brother set down the rules they would follow for meals in their home (sit-down, devotions, and prayers). She mentioned one time how odd she thought that was (at first) but over time has come to appreciate the stability it has given her family.
Although we have always sat down as a family, I have noticed in my family and in my five brothers' families and my in-laws families, that there is a tendency to sort of come-apart at the seams when/if the children attend high school. It's not so challenging to eat as a family when the children are younger (especially if you're like us and homeschool your children). But if children are attending school (public or private) parents feel pressured to allow their children to participate in sports programs. Once this happens, other people then have control over your dinner table! This only gets worse as children get into high school sports and longer daily practice sessions and games away from home.
This also revolves around the fact that too many parents give their children unlimited "sports" privileges. We have found it helpful (when our children got into high school especially) to limit the number of sports they could participate in during any one year of high school. We'd tell them, "Two sports during the school year, and one during the summer." This was beneficial to the whole family, and thankfully, the older children usually had similar interests, so we didn't have "mixed" sports (like basketball AND wrestling) going on during the same season.
All too often, what ends up happening is this: Mom eats with the children who are home at normal dinner time, Dad comes home a bit later perhaps and he eats alone while looking over the daily mail or newspaper. (Mom and children are probably off doing their own thing by then), the older children come home from practice (Mom or Dad runs into town to pick them up or do a carpool loop) and then pop something into the microwave.
Game nights are even worse as the family scrambles to quickly eat something hopefully nutritious and hopefully not swallowed whole as they hurry to get finished so they can leave home in time to get to the game). And how many times is the child-athlete either too nervous to eat, or has left directly from school without having a chance to sit down and ENJOY a decent meal? So, after the game--probably at a fast food place--is when the child-athlete gets to finally eat something filling.
What makes me REALLY sad is to think of most of my nieces and nephews have been in some kind of after school "lesson" activity (dance, music, community sports) since they were in kindergarten. Most of them have also taken up a school sport as soon as it was offered in their school at around age 10. So from the time the oldest children hit fifth grade each of these families (with multiple children involved in various activities) has been scrambling to provide a decent family life. What I notice is that each mother or father will regretfully respond that it is so hard to have a decent family life. Yet NONE of them are willing to limit (severely) the amount of time their family devotes to running all over the countryside to various musical, sporting, or other activities. They are SO worried that they will be destroying something intrinsic in their children, and never give thought to what they (parents) have allowed to become important.
It makes me so sad, to realize that in the course of my life time (I'm almost 49 now), things have so drastically tipped AWAY from encouraging family life, to encouraging individuals to function individually. For example: where team sports were encouraged at the high school level that has slowly crept down to younger and younger children. In our school district for example, there is now a sanctioned football program for third graders! In bigger cities near us, there are YMCA flag football and soccer programs for kindergarteners!
Don't get me wrong, I think children need to be active and healthy, and certainly these sports activities boost the health of children who would probably otherwise spend a good share of their time sitting and playing video games. I just think how sad it is that SPORTS team participation has taken over the family dinner hour.
We adopted four older foster children before having three biological children, so we have already grown children with children of their own, while still having youngsters at home. The older children had very chaotic lives before coming to live with us. I have noticed with the four older children that even though we were "religious" about our sit-down-together meals, they have ALL reverted back to the rather chaotic meal times they were raised on prior to joining our family.
It must have seemed very much like Night and Day to them, because we ALWAYS eat at the table (except Friday nights when we have home-made pizza and watch a video). What is sad for me to see at this point in my older children's lives (two divorced, one engaged, one newly married), is that they have mostly all reverted back to their FORMER training in their own homes now: chaotic meals, haphazardly prepared, lower quality. This makes me realize how very important it is FROM INFANCY onward, for parents to make sure that their children participate in the sit-down-meals.
This was clearly brought home to me about 14 years ago. At that time, we had the two youngest of the four older children still at home (the older two having graduated by then, off on their own), they were about 14 and 10 years old. My oldest biological son, Sam, was nearly 23 months old (sitting at the table in a clip-on high chair) and my youngest son was just about 2 weeks old. As we sat down to supper that night, I was standing by the table, rocking the baby who was fussing. Hubby started the meal by encouraging Sam to say his little prayer (we always taught the babies to do a special table prayer). Even though he was barely able to speak in clear words at that time, he put his chubby little hands together, said his little prayer and kept his hands folded while we said our "regular" table prayer as a group. And Sam chirped in with "Amen" at the right time, too.
When my husband and I signed up for adoption, we had (wrongly) assumed
that if we got a child by say, age three or four, or even as old as six (as our youngest adopted child was at the time of her placement in our home), that there was still ample opportunity for us to train and mold and teach them everything they needed to know. Wow....were we ever naive in our thinking!!!!!!
Nancy, as I stood near the table that night when Sam so sweetly said his little dinner prayer...and my older two children also sat there so sweetly with their hands folded... I was struck by the realization of just HOW MUCH my not-quite-two-year-old son had ALREADY absorbed, learned and been influenced by the training...and he was barely able to speak!
And it made me sad to think of ALL that our older children had been deprived of during their baby-hood, toddler years, preschool years, early childhood and for the two oldest their pre-teen years, too because of their chaotic home situation before they were placed with our family. AND it made me realize how very MUCH learning takes place when our BABIES are still cradled in our arms, cuddled on our laps, and snuggling at our breasts!
It is SO important for young mothers to know and realize and appreciate the extremely IMPORTANT job they have--from the very first day of a child's life outside the womb--of training and nurturing their love for the Lord.
It is plain to see that our society blithely dismisses the importance of mothers and fathers in a young child's life. Witness the number of parents who are unwilling to sacrifice a bigger home or nice furnishings and instead claim they simply MUST have Mom's paycheck which means they place their little ones in day-care situations. I fully realize many mothers feel they have "no choice" (being single or divorced.) However, the fact that they are unmarried and have children STILL goes back to the training they received at home. If their mothers and fathers had properly trained them from infancy, unwed mothers or divorced mothers would NOT have gotten into the situation where they find they "must" work in order to survive (literally). Young women will not put themselves into a situation where they COULD get pregnant if they have been properly trained. Young women who have been properly trained to be obedient to their parents' wisdom would not consider for marriage any man who is not a God-pleasing choice.
I once heard or read a story from Satan's point-of-view. It went something like this... Satan is advising his cohorts that since they would be unable to prevent God's word from spreading that they must find some way to keep the believers from spending time alone with God. His plan was to find ways to "fill up their time" with other things. So he told his cohorts to tempt believers with music to fill up the ears and hours, so believers couldn't have quiet time to think Godly thoughts. And fill their eyes with tempting pictures to keep them from reading God's Word.
I would add to that list, take the children away from them as young as possible to have the most direct influence on preventing them from becoming or remaining believers after leaving home... sports at younger and younger ages, day care, baby sitters, television and videos, twaddle-filled books and such.
Debra Hofland
Taylor, Wisconsin
I trust this little newsletter will encourage you as you wait for your new magazine to arrive. Be watching for it.
Blessings from NANCY CAMPBELL
Founder and Editress of Above Rubies
Husbands Need Encouraging
“A word of encouragement does wonders.”
Proverbs 12:25 TLB Make the Weekends SpecialMy husband, Jeff, works long hours during the week so I try to make his weekends worthy of “bragging rights” on Monday at work. I make sure he sleeps in while I wake up early with our toddler and make him a special breakfast. The morning and afternoon is his to enjoy. Whatever he wants to do is what we do. And, I do it joyfully. What Jeff wants to do is not always the most fun, like digging trenches, spreading compost, or going to the comic book shop. But, I still do it without complaint and with a smile. This Saturday we met our family at the cider mill and picked apples. On Sunday we took a long motorcycle ride after church. When Jeff says to me, "I wish I had more time, I would love to do this..." I take a mental note and make it happen. Making the weekends special for Jeff often means a lot of work for me, but when he leaves for his job on Monday morning and says, "Amber, I'm going to miss you. I didn't want the weekend to end," it is worth every sacrifice. AMBER ARNOLD Casco Twp, Michigan, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Daddy AlarmAt our house we have a "Dad Alarm.” This is a recurring alarm that I set on my cell phone. It goes off one hour before my husband arrives home from work. It reminds my children to clean up any messes around the house and tidy themselves up. It reminds the older children and me to start supper. It also reminds me to make sure my clothes are fresh, to fix my make up and my hair and say a prayer for my big sweet hubby. To be honest, we are not as consistent with this as I would like to be. Sometimes the alarm goes off and I ignore it, thinking to myself "too busy." But when we are consistent, the results are not only a blessing to my husband, but a blessing to our whole household. My husband is never "too busy" to go to work to provide for his family and this family should never be to busy to provide a warm, clean, "Welcome Home" for him. JULIE BANTON Pierson Station, Illinois,, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Love Letters
Once a month or so I pull out some pretty paper and write to my husband. If I don't have pretty paper, I draw hearts and flowers on blank paper. Sometimes I glue pictures of us together to the front of construction paper. I express how much I love and appreciate him. This way he knows that the "little" things he does don't go unnoticed. I often talk about our dreams for the future which spurs him on to "fight the good fight." I put my love letter in his lunch box, on the seat of his work car, under his pillow, or by the bathroom sink for him to find in the morning. I know my husband enjoys these love letters because for several days after receiving one, he has a huge smile on his face and holds his head up a little higher! RASHEA COX Talent, Oregon, USA.
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
One Good ThingOne day, about two years after we were married, it dawned upon me that this man I married was not all I had imagined. I started questioning what I was really doing being married to him. I could no longer see anything good--only the bad! These thoughts soon reflected in my behaviour toward him. Fortunately, I found an article where I was encouraged to look for ONE good thing in my husband and thank God for it. Not only did I do that, but I also thanked God for that quality when we prayed aloud together, e.g., “Thank you, God for Chris and his patience with the children.” This article also encouraged me to thank God for his manliness. I started thanking God in our prayers together for his strong muscles and the way he uses them to provide for us. Chris would thank me for my prayers and walk with a lighter step. These prayers continued. My focus on one Christ-like quality grew and grew until I could no longer see the faults and thought more and more of my husband’s fine qualities. In the process, Chris was greatly encouraged. Even today, the most encouraging thing that I can do for him is to pray aloud for him and specifically thank God for his Christ-like qualities. JANICE WILLS Wairoa, East Coast, New Zealand
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Leave a Voice Mail
When my husband is feeling stressed or having a rough time at work I like to call his office and leave him a voice mail. I make sure to call right after he leaves the house. When he gets to work, it’s on his voice mail. I tell him how much I respect him and his commitment to provide for our family, how much I appreciate all the hard work he does for us, and how proud I am of him for sticking with it even when it is very difficult. He saves the message and listens to it again when he needs a boost!
GINA McINTOSH Fort Collins, Colorado, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Cheer him on!Over a year ago my husband cut off his left thumb. I try to point out to him the many things that he does with one thumb (like plumbing for instance) that a lot of men with two thumbs still cannot do. I think this encourages him to see how far he has come in his recovery. When he feels frustrated or discouraged, it is good for him to hear me say that in my eyes he is an overcomer! BECKY MESSER Missionaries in San-Pedro, Cote d'Ivoire, West Africa. When in USA they live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Actions Speak Louder than WordsAlmost every day, for 22 years, I have got up with my husband at 4:45 am, ironed his shirt, packed his lunch and made his coffee. The only times I have not done this were when I was in the hospital after delivering a baby and on rare occasions when sick. Many friends have told me that I am crazy and that I should do all this the night before and sleep in. I tried this the first time someone gave me that advice and never did it again. I can be sleepy, achy, irritated or just selfish on some mornings, but I have chosen to put that behind me and act kindly towards my husband. It has blessed us both over the years. The Lord has taught me that acting lovingly and encouraging my husband is more important than how I feel at that moment. I want my husband to know that this is OUR time together. My husband travels 75 minutes to work each day (with good traffic!) and often there are accidents. I have the comfort of knowing that if God called him home, our last words to each other will have been "I love you." The second way I encourage my husband is by having dinner ready when he comes home. Even if it is not quite finished, to have something smelling good and nearly ready is a great blessing to him. I have noticed that he is so happy when he can sit and eat a fragrant, hot meal right away. SANDRA GRAMMER Aberdeen, Maryland, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Dress to PleaseRecently I have begun to honour my husband by dressing more femininely and lovely to look upon. I wear far more skirts than before. I wear bright colours and take care with my hair and make-up. My husband loves to come home and be greeted by a wife who has made a real effort to please him. He always says he loves me no matter what I look l like, but he is encouraged to know I love him enough to spend the extra time to delight him. LOUISE SHAW Geraldine, South Canterbury, New Zealand
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Sing Him a SongMy husband, Jim is in sales which has its ups and downs, much like a roller coaster. I started to sing to my husband when he closed a sale, "I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, Oh yes, I'm so proud of you. Boop, Boop, Dee, Do!" Much to my surprise, it really spurred him on. He tries his hardest to get as many sales each day as he can, so he can call and hear me sing his reward. I know this really showed him how much I appreciate him going out and working hard for our family. ANGI MARTIN Crete, Illinois, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Little ThingsThis is what I have learned to do to bless my husband. 1. Listen to him without any comments or advice. 2. Give him a five minute shoulder rub when he does not expect it. 3. Smile at him - a lot! 4. Ask him how his day was without including anything about my own day.
LORI CHIRICO Lithia, Florida, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
T- ShirtsI special ordered a T-shirt that says, I Ü• Doug. He is a fire-fighter so another one I wear says, I'm In Love with a Firefighter. He gets a kick out of it. DALYN WELLER Yakima, Washington, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Pick-me-up BinderFor my husband, Jeremy's 33rd birthday, I asked family and close friends to send their words of encouragement to me via email--a favorite memory, a letter, a poem, verse of Scripture or a word of encouragement from the Lord. I then compiled these messages into a binder that Jeremy can read when he needs a pick-me-up. LORIE DILLER Upland, Indiana, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
The Reward
Our van recently needed a new battery. My husband, Larry, checked on the price. Over $100 installed! He looked at me and said, "I can find it cheaper." He did. But, installing a battery on our van is rather labor intensive and involves removing much of the housing around the battery. Gathering courage Larry said, "I'm going to go out there and rip it apart myself!" I cheered him on as he left with all three boys in tow. Pretty soon our oldest stuck his head in the door and declared, "Mom, Dad says that he almost has all the necessary parts removed." I replied, "You tell your Dad that if he succeeds, then he'll get a GREAT BIG kiss from me!" Well, that just set them off! They came back a few minutes later and beamed as they reported, "He's putting the new battery in place!" I said, "You'd better tell him to start puckering up. I'm sucking on a lemon to be sure I have a REALLY big pucker ready for him." They giggled and gave him my message. Soon they reported, "Mom, the new battery is installed and everything is back in place!" As they looked at me expectantly, I said, "Tell Daddy that he has to test it out before claiming his reward". They raced outside with me close at their heels. Soon the engine roared to life and three boys yelled, "He did it!" Then six eyes watched (and who knows how many neighbors) as I grabbed their dad and laid a huge congratulatory kiss on him. The children applauded! This was also an encouragement to our children to see me take the time to thank their father for a job well done. And, of course, it was a lot of fun, too! HOPE WARE Peoria, Illinois, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Surprise BirthdayMy husband, Karl, had been going through a difficult time around his birthday. I got an idea. I gave him a card for his birthday, asking him out to supper. During the day I packed everything we would need for camping. I packed fun treats, his favorite game, and a book to read together. Some friends went to a camp ground and set up their camper for us to stay in. That evening we dropped our son off at grandpa and grandma's, my husband thinking we were just going out for supper. After supper I gave my husband another card inviting him to spend the weekend with me. He was completely surprised! It was a blessing to have time together and be able to enjoy some time away without expensive hotel costs! Karl and I also enjoy talking on instant messenger. Often I go online while he is on his way to work and leave him encouraging messages. When he has to be gone over night, I put love notes throughout his belongings--in his billfold, razor bag, with his pajamas, etc. It is fun thinking of the surprise he will have when he opens his bag. SARAH SNEATH Salina, Kansas, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Ten TipsThe following is my "top ten" list of things I like to do to encourage my husband: 1. When he is traveling I sneak a card or love note into his suitcase. 2. When he is taking a sack lunch to work I have made for him, I put in a picture that the children drew especially for him. 3. On a work day when he has something especially tough ahead, I leave an encouraging note on the dashboard of his car. 4. In the morning I make his coffee and breakfast. 5. I sneak a peak at his "to do" list and find things I can do for him. 6. When he leaves the house, the children and I all huddle around the front window and wave goodbye to him as he drives away, waving to him the American Sign Language “I love you” sign and yelling loud enough to wake all the neighbors up, "Bye, we love you!" 7. I call him at work every day at noon to check in, say “I love you” and ask him if there is anything he needs me to do. I've done this so consistently for the past nine years that he gets concerned if I happen to be a little late in calling. 8. I regularly thank him for being such a good provider and working hard so that I can stay home with the children. I also tell him what a great father he is and point out when his fathering skills are especially good in a certain area. 9. When he comes from work, my goal is to greet him with the five senses. This is what I try to do: SIGHT When he comes through the door, I have myself, the children and the house looking presentable. TOUCH When he comes through the door, I greet him with warm hugs, kisses and maybe even a little back rub! SOUND When he comes through the door… Ü• I do not talk on the phone. Everyone I speak with regularly on the phone knows that when I hear my husband driving up the driveway the phone call ends. Ü• I have the television off (unless it is his Monday night football game.) Ü• No whining, crying or screaming children. Ü• I save my need to speak with him about all the issues of the day until later, and greet him only with words of blessing and "I'm so glad your home.” Ü• Sometimes I have some of his favorite relaxing music playing--praise music, jazz, or other soothing music. SMELL My husband loves to have dinner ready when he walks in the door. The smell of food cooking is so comforting. TASTE If dinner is not ready, I have a little plate of appetizers for him to munch on while he waits, such as cheese and crackers, chips and salsa, etc.
10. I pray diligently for him.
GINA CALLAGHAN Walnut Creek, California, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Hugs and KissesQuality time with one another is a must and has a positive effect on the children as well. When Dad and Mom are passionately in love, the children will thrive. My husband and I always make a practice of hugging and kissing after we have a meal together, before he leaves and when he comes home from work. The children don’t miss much. When they see us hugging, they come running to do the same. Another thing that has blessed our marriage is our chat time before bed. It's a great time to unwind, share the details of our day and a kiss and a hug always seals it. I daily tell my spouse how much I love him and that I couldn't imagine life without him. Our marriage is a daily commitment, not a once and done thing. JEWEL NOLT Lititz, Pennsylvania, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Keep Your Mouth ShutFor as long as I've known my husband of 19 years he has battled low self-esteem. The greatest way I encourage him is to keep my mouth shut at "critical" times. It’s so easy to say, "I told you so--you should have listened to me!" when he makes a mistake, big or small. I still have bouts of opening my mouth and then biting my tongue before saying too much. It’s a constant, daily battle to keep the doors of my mouth under tight surveillance. I try to give my opinion only when my husband asks for it. When he doesn't, it is hard to watch my husband make mistakes, even with our finances. However, I enjoy watching the Lord work in my husband's heart, something that I can only influence but not truly change. Trust is key. I know God wants what is best for His children, just as I do for mine. I want my husband to feel the freedom to lead and to watch him grow in faith and spiritual understanding is exciting. Even though I am scared to death of the unknown territory we've begun to climb, my spirit feels victorious because I'm holding to God's unchanging hand. As long as I can help my dear hubby hang onto Him through prayer and submission, nothing else matters. ANGELA PRINE
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Nothing Better than Prayer
I believe the greatest way we can encourage our husband is through our prayers. Here are some questions I ask myself. I found these questions on the web, www.doorposts.net/Samples/aul_prayer.pdf, but have added my own comments. 1. Do I earnestly pray for my husband's spiritual growth and wisdom as he leads our family?
I pray that my husband seeks to know God and His plans for his life and I pray Paul’s prayer in Colossians.1:9-12 for him. I pray earnestly for my husband as he leads our family. I pray that he will actively seek God in all that he does. I pray for the Lord's wisdom as he answers our children's questions about spiritual matters. 2. Do I pray for my husband in his work, his leadership responsibilities, and his relationships with others?
As my husband interacts with the people he contacts at work, I pray he will lead a godly and honest life, one that reflects the saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that those around him might see the difference that God has made in his life. How often we forget that our husband's mission field is his workplace. 3. Do I pray for a reverent heart and submissive response to my husband?
I have learned that neglecting my spiritual walk to do other seemingly important tasks benefits no one, especially me. I serve the Lord through serving my husband. I am learning God's will as I show reverence to my husband. I cannot be the wife that God has created me to be if my heart is not right with Him. (Psalm 139:23-24) 4. Do I pray for my husband’s relationship with each of our children?
In Malachi 4:6 it says that a father's heart is to be turned towards his children. I pray daily that my husband’s heart is turned toward his children. I pray that he will see the individual needs of each child and that God will guide him as he interacts with them. A great book is Keeping Our Children's Hearts by Steve and Teri Maxwell. 5. Do I pray for my husband when I know he is going through times of testing and hardship?
We are to “bear one another's burdens.” (Galatians. 6:2) We need to be mindful of what our husband's are going through. I make it a point to find out what is bothering my husband so I can pray specifically. I will ask him, “How can I pray for you today?” 6. Do I pray for my husband to be strong in his particular areas of weakness and temptation?
I know that many temptations face my husband daily. I usually try to pray a pray of protection over him as he walks out the door each morning. It is getting harder for a man to stand strong in this world when everything relates to a humanistic value system with no fear of the Lord. But God will deliver the godly out of temptation. (2 Peter. 2:9) 7. When my husband is in sin or when I believe he is making an unwise decision, do I humbly entreat him and then earnestly, patiently, and quietly pray for God to lead him?
I sometimes lash out at my husband if he is wrong or making a bad decision. How many times have I said something only to regret it two seconds later? Why don’t I remember God’s word in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.”? I know that my husband's heart is in God's hand and He will turn it as He wills. (Proverbs 21:1) As I pray faithfully for God to change my husband’s heart, I try not to say “I told you so” when God does change his heart. I must give the glory to the Lord for He deserves the praise. 8. Do I pray for my husband when he has offended me, or do I criticize and harbor bitterness?
Forgiveness is hard. How God forgave us I will never understand. Only by His grace. I pray that God will hold my tongue in situations like this. In Proverbs 21:9 and 19 it says that it is better to be anywhere else than with a brawling angry women. I am a miserable woman to live with when I have been (or think I have been) wronged. It is important to be open with your husband about your feelings. I am usually surprised my husband didn't even know he had hurt me. I pray for the Lord to help me forgive, move on and forget. What if God kept on recalling our past sins all of the time? Let us not do this to our beloved husbands.
My favorite verse to help me to remember to pray for my husband is 1 Samuel 12:23a “Moreover as for me, God forbid that I should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you.” I sin against the Lord by not praying for my husband.
HEIDI KEMP
Nassau, Bahamas
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Givers to the World
What a joy it is to be alive! What joy to have purpose for life! I believe that our greatest purpose in life is to bear the image of God. That is why we were created! To wear the likeness of God--in our daily life, before our children and to the world around us. There is nothing that is more powerful and influencing than to reveal God’s character. What is God like? The Word of God reveals His character. As re read we see that more than anything else, God gives. He is a giver. He freely pours out His blessings. He gave the greatest gift of giving up is own beloved son to die for our sins. God is life and He freely gives life. He is Light and He sheds forth His light to lighten the darkness of this world. And of course He is Love, pouring out His love and grace upon us who are undeserving sinners. As mothers we have the privilege of revealing these glorious attributes through our lives. We are LIFE-GIVERS!Genesis 3:20 tells us that Adam called his wife’s name, Eve. The Hebrew for Eve is Chavvah which means Life-giver! Eve was the first of her kind, the prototype of all women to come. God who is the giver of life, gave to women the blessed privilege of bringing forth life. We are life-givers to the world—and eternity! How amazing! And we keep on giving life. When a little baby is born, we put it to the breast, pouring life into the little babe. We continue to give life-giving foods to our children as they grow. Because we are life-givers, we pour life into our children in every way—not only in the food we give them but in our actions and the words we speak to them. As mothers, it should be our habit to speak life-giving words. (Proverbs 10:11 and 18:21) May God save us from being life-stoppers, or speaking words of death. Instead, when you wake each morning, confess out loud “I am a life-giver! I am a life-giver to my children today. I am a life-giver to the world.” We are LIGHT-GIVERS!God is Light and in Him is no darkness at all. Jesus is the Light of the world and He wants us to shine His light in us and through us to expose the darkness in this world. As mothers we are light-givers to our children. Every Sabbath evening Jewish women light the candles at the table for their Sabbath meal. The woman has the responsibility to keep the light of God burning in her home and because of this she has the privilege of lighting the candles. The Word of God tells us that the teaching of the mother is a light to keep her children from the way of evil. The mother’s light-giving words will continue to lead her children when they leave home, keep watch over them when they sleep and remind them of God’s ways as they walk this life. (Proverbs 6:20-23) The greatest education we can give our children is the entrance of His Words into their lives. (Psalm 119:105 and 130) As you wake each morning, confess… “I am a light-giver! My words will give light to my children today. They will show them the way of life.”
We are LOVE-GIVERS!We know that more than anything else, God is Love. If we are walking in His image, we will be constantly pouring out love. Love is not stagnant. It is a verb. It is action. Love is not love unless we give it. As mothers we have the privilege of giving love moment by moment and day by day. How do you do this? You give. Give smiles. Give hugs. Encourage. Touch. Speak kindly. Do loving deeds. Give spontaneously. Give sacrificially. Show hospitality. Immerse yourself in God’s love and pour it out freely. It is easy to give love when your children are lovable. What about when they are difficult and rebellious? Keep on loving. Of course, you don’t give wishy-washy love. God’s love is beyond all love, giving beyond measure. He keeps on loving even when we rebel against Him, but it is not insipid love. Even though His love never stops, we cannot have fellowship with Him and receive the fullness of His love while we are in sin. It is only when we confess and forsake our sin that He forgives us and restores fellowship with us. In the same way, you keep loving your rebellious teen, you pour out your heart in intercession, but you cannot compromise God’s standard for your home. Many parents tip-toe around their children. They don’t take a strong stand against the sin because they don’t want their child to reject them. This is sickly love. True love takes action. True love prays, entreats, holds up the standard and pulls them out of the fire. (Jude 12:23) And sometimes it has to wait! It is easy to love other people when they are nice to us. What about when people speak against you? What about when in-laws have a vendetta against you? Keep on loving. Keep on blessing and praying for them. Love always overcomes. When you wake up each morning, confess… “I am a love-giver! God’s love is shed abroad in my heart. I will pour out love to my husband and children today. I will speak words of love to them.” There is no more room for a pity party because “nobody loves me or cares about me.” There is no more room to think, “I give and give and never get anything in return.” Love does not love to receive. It does not love to feel good. It loves because it is Love. Start pouring out love no matter how you feel. Pour out love no matter what people say or do to you. You are the bearer of the image of God to your family--and God is love. NANCY CAMPBELL LOVE GIVES. . . Love ever gives, Forgives, Outlives, And while it lives, It gives! For this is love’s prerogative, To give, And give, And give!
Encourage Your Children
I believe that encouragement is the rich soil in which we grow our children to their full potential. I was blessed to grow up with encouragement. We raised our own children on encouragement. It was their daily bread, as much as their food. Encouraging our children, and everyone around us, should be the habit of our lives. Don’t be a little encourager. Be a great encourager. Be a habitual encourager. I trust that the following ideas will inspire you in this important ministry to your family. Nancy Campbell
Night Time TalkEach night, we pray and talk with each of our children. I didn't realize how important this time was for my children until one night I was tucking the little ones in their beds. My oldest daughter was waiting for me and I noticed she had something on her heart. After we prayed together, I asked her is she had something to share with me. She told me what was heavy on her heart and we talked together. As I was leaving her room she said, "I am so glad we talked, Mommy.” I find it is important to the children that I talk with each child. The day seems even longer because of this, but it is well worth it. Their tender little hearts need the encouragement of their Mother and the affirmation of their Daddy. Although I praise them during the day, the night is usually the time when I praise their accomplishments of the day and tell them how much I praise God for giving them to us. Encouragement is a building block that is necessary for later. The American Heritage Dictionary defines encouragement, "to inspire to continue on a chosen course; impart courage or confidence." We want to inspire our children to continue the chosen course of following the Lord with a loyal heart and a willing mind. MARIA MALKASIAN Sequim, Washington, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
A Little Song Whenever my children need to be uplifted, or after they've been disciplined and are ready for comfort, I always sing them this little song to the tune of "I had a little sister, her name was Susie Q, I put her in the bathtub to see what she would do…” "I love you, love you, love you, no matter what! Always, always, always, I love you! I love you, love you, love you, no matter what! Nothing you can say or do stops me from loving you, you, you!" I want to remind them of my unconditional love for them so that they can readily grasp the idea of God's unconditional love for them too! GINA CALLAGHAN Walnut Creek, California, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Praise the Positives
I discovered, long before I had my own children, that a child will try to get your attention any way possible, either by acting in a positive or negative way. My husband and I decided before our first child was born that we would ALWAYS encourage the positive behavior. It has worked miraculously.
I praise the way they get their chores done in the mornings. I praise the way they manage their time efficiently in the busy morning time when we are all getting ready for the day. I say things to my teenager daughter such as, "I like the necklace you chose to wear today. It's as pretty as you are!" Or "I like the books you have chosen at the library today. I am proud you are such a great reader!"
When my son was tiny, my mother in law asked me why I tell him, "Son, I love the way you are coloring that picture so nicely. What beautiful colors!" Or, "Son, you are doing such a great job of helping me with the grocery shopping today. Thank you!" She could not understand this and thought I was "coddling" my children or stroking their egos. To the contrary! My children feel great when they know the good things they are doing are being noticed and appreciated!
Find the positives! Uplift your children with the good they are doing even if it is just, "Thank you for brushing your teeth this morning." As soon as you find things they are doing right, they will do MORE things right and feel GREAT about pleasing you!
I get a lot more POSITIVE behavior when I comment on the positives!
MICHAE’L ALEGRIA
Spokane, Washington, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Ice Cream PartyWhen my children do well in school at home, I encourage them by drawing an ice-cream Sunday, part by part (one part for each day they do well). When the whole ice-cream Sunday is finished, we have a big family ice-cream party. They find this very encouraging. BECKY MESSER Missionaries in San-Pedro, Cote d'Ivoire, West Africa. When back in USA they live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
“Pass it Back” JournalI read about a “Pass it Back” journal which I now use in my home. I selected a pretty, spiral-bound journal and wrote a note to my eight-year-old daughter explaining that the book was a place for us to write personal notes to each other. I began by telling her how beautiful she is--on the outside, but more importantly, on the inside. I shared some of my prayers for her, and described some of the ways I have seen God growing her character. I invited her to write to me about anything she wanted. She loved the idea, and in one of her first entries she asked if just the two of us could do something special together--like go to the mall. I have a strong distaste for malls for a number of philosophical reasons (not the least of which is the pervasive materialism) and I was able to use the journal to explain my point of view, and encourage her to think about a "bigger picture" than she had previously considered. She "passed back" an alternative--a trip to the zoo (to which she had recently won a family pass). She itemized the economic factors involved (it would be free because of the pass, we could use coupons for lunch and described all the wonderful things we could see and do together, just the two of us.) To the zoo we went. What a wonderful day it was! We leisurely visited her favourite animals and even trekked to the Canadian exhibit (which involved descending and then ascending a steep hill on foot) that we'd never visited before because of the encumbrance of strollers and wagons for younger siblings. We both found ourselves repeatedly commenting on how happy we were to be alone together for a whole day. Afterwards, because Dad had taken the other children out for the afternoon and evening, we went to her favourite restaurant for supper and then lounged on the couch reading together. We had such a delightful day together. We didn't have any deep conversations or surprising revelations about each other. We just enjoyed each other's company and we each recorded our joy in our "Pass it Back” journal. The journal is an encouragement that keeps on giving, because it will again be an encouragement to both of us when we read it years down the road and relive our memories of this stage in our lives. PAULA PIKE Stouffville, Ontario, Canada
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Truth PhrasesOne of the ways I encourage my children is by giving them little phrases to say. I call it “speaking the truth” to themselves. I repeat the same phrase every time they are in a particular situation it fits with, and before long, they start saying it to themselves. The phrases act as a scaffolding to support them and help them to develop character and self-control. If a task seems too hard, they often say, "I can't do it!" If it is something I know they can do with a little effort, I do not do it for them. Instead I encourage them, "You can do it! Speak the truth to yourself." They try again, saying to themselves, "I can do it", which quickly turns into an excited cry of, "I did it!" They then have the satisfaction of a job well done and are motivated to try harder next time. Another phrase I have used is, "It's not so bad." Sometimes they anticipate going through something with fear such as a hair cut, being rinsed off after a bath, doing an overwhelming chore, then they find out that it wasn't as bad as they thought it was going to be. I try to reinforce that thought so they will remember it the next time they are tempted to panic. Other times they will say, "I need to be patient," and they start singing the "Have Patience" song we've taught them. Or it will be, "I'm going to trust God," and they will sing, "When I am afraid, I will trust in You…” They hold on to the little phrases they've learned from Scripture, songs and stories, and they use the truths to help them choose the right. Their wills are being trained by this "truth speaking”. It is encouraging to hear them instruct themselves in what to choose. There is power in speaking the truth to ourselves and to our children. Lies defeat, but the truth sets us free. Many of our battles are fought in our minds. Truth-telling is the process of renewing our minds. (Romans 12:2) When we give our children truth for their minds, their hearts take over and they begin to act on that truth. My son used to tell me that he did not love me, and that he only loved his daddy. Instead of telling him how that hurt me, I started telling him, "I love your company." Before long, he and the rest of my children started saying that to me, my husband and to each other. It made such a difference in our family. As my children speak these positive phrases, I am seeing them set free from things I struggled with into adulthood. And now, when I am tempted to fear, lack trust, be impatient, or whatever, my children repeat these phrases back to me! CASSIE TYNAN
Crestview, Florida, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Play PollyannaHere are a few things I do to encourage my children individually. 1. I leave them a note where they'll be sure to find it (in their desk, under their pillow, taped to the headboard, etc.). I give them notes when they are feeling down or have done something well. 2. Occasionally, I, do their chores for them. Imagine their gratitude when they come down to do their "mundane" chore and it's done for them! They are surprised that someone would do something for them when it isn't their birthday or any other special occasion. I give them a squeeze and tell them I did it because I love them. 3. We have a "pep" talk. I remind them of how blessed they are compared to most of the rest of the world. I gently remind them of the orphans, persecuted Christians and poor around the world. This helps them to get the focus off of themselves. We then begin naming things that we can be thankful for. Here are a few encouraging things I do when the whole group needs a "lift". 1. I bake or bring home a special treat for all of them. 2. I yell "everyone in the car" for a spur-of-the-moment outing to our local nature museum, a walk by the river, or playing at the park. 3. We play "Pollyanna". For those who aren't familiar with her, she is a little girl who finds the bright side in everything. She makes a game of it and delights in the challenge of finding something to be grateful for in the most difficult situations. The book is well-worth the read. Don’t bother with the movie versions! 4. We have a "praise" service. I join all the children together to sing and take turns naming things we are thankful for. This quickly removes the sour looks from their faces! 5. My husband and I pack up the children for an outing to one of the beautiful sights around our home--mountains, lakes, rivers, caves, etc. It is very difficult to be down when you are marveling at God's creation. STACY SCHNIEPP Bend, Oregon, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
The Special PlateHere in New Zealand there is a Christian Parenting Organisation called Parenting with Confidence. One of the products they promote is the “Red Plate”. It is a red dinner plate with writing in the centre saying, 'You're a Star'. In our house, whenever a parent notices something great a child has done during the day, out comes the red plate in their place at the table that night. They rarely know it is coming, and as we use it only once or twice a week, it is always a surprise. There are shouts of glee when they see it in their place, and great is the excitement and suspense as they wait for grace to be said before they find out “why they got it.” While it does come out for obvious successes e.g. toilet training, reading first words, climbing up a difficult area of the playground for the first time, etc, it also comes out for character issues such as a shy child using good manners to an adult on the street, or a toddler helping his sister put her toys away. You do not have to purchase the 'red plate' to incorporate this into your lives. Any “special” plate from a garage sale would do. The magic is in the honour it bestows! As well as encouraging the “child of the moment”, it also encourages other children to learn to congratulate each other and cope well with not being “the chosen one” at the time. Now whenever something great happens (e.g. first ride on bike without trainer wheels) you can here the children call to each other, “Maybe you'll get the red plate tonight!” LOUISE SHAW Geraldine, South Canterbury, New Zealand
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Mommies in TrainingI encourage my little girls to be helpful. I make it a point to let them participate in the things that I'm doing. This generally means the task will take twice as long but the gleam in their eye after it's completed is worth it. They are so proud of the fact that they are mommy's little helper. They help me sweep and mop the floor, make bread, make their bed, unload the dishwasher, bring in the firewood, do the laundry and so on. They are little mommy's in training and I praise them for being such good little helpers. NICOLE STOL Ortonville, Michigan USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Praise Binder On a bulletin board, I tack pocket folders for each person in the family, and an extra one for strips of paper. Throughout the day, when I see something the children are doing that I can praise them for, I write it down on a strip of colorful paper and put it in their pocket. After dinner in the evening (but while we are still sitting around the table) my husband reads them out loud for all of us to hear. The children are so excited to be praised, but especially because it is in front of their daddy. This is also a good way for Mike to keep up with the godly character development of his children. I collect all the strips and at the end of a week or two each person has a page full of encouragement strips. It takes no time to tape them on to a piece of white copy paper (one for each person), slip them into a page protector and into a binder. The children love to look back at their encouragement notes. I also praise my husband for things at the same time by writing something for him each day. This also helps my children to learn the art of giving praise. They write notes to other family members too. Even my four year old, who doesn't write well yet, likes to write "HI" for all of us. My days always go better when I look for things to praise each child instead of seeing their weaknesses. SHELLY McALISTER Bowling Green, Kentucky, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
The Marble JarAny time I see one of my children doing something good, e.g. being kind to a sibling, colouring carefully in the lines, doing a chore without being reminded, writing particularly neatly, I might say, “Put a marble in the jar!”. There is one jar between siblings to encourage them to work together for a common cause and together they pick a reward when the jar is full. It may be a family night with a movie, popcorn and chocolate, or a picnic tea in the park. LIAN PEET Belgrave Heights, Victoria, Australia. We often see kangaroos and echidnas in our backyard!
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Take Time to Listen The main way I encourage my children is by listening to them and waiting for their point of view before I spout off an answer. Listen, then listen some more. Hugs are always on order in our house, too. I think hugs are one of the best ways to encourage someone, whether they are tired, not feeling well, exasperated or frustrated. SARAH FRANTZ Salpulpa, Oklahoma, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Hope instead of CriticismI had to change my bad ways and overcome the critical way I corrected my children. I went from "don't you ever do that again" which sets them up for failure and therefore discouragement to "I know you'll do better next time." My children are always hurt by my criticism, but when I correct with that added hope for improvement, they don't call it "criticism" anymore. I was tired of correcting only. Now I look for things to praise them. Every kind word or deed, every helpful action, every Christ-like behavior, any improvement in areas under development gets a kind word, a smile, or a compliment from Mom. They may not respond in visual or verbal ways but I know they receive it. I sometimes just give the encouraging look. I catch their eye and then smile big at them to say, "I love you, you are special." It can even say that I am glad we are here together. Mothers, don't give up. We are teachers and trainers of our children who will be leaders in the near future. MARY ANN AVERY Dickson, Tennessee, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Keep TouchingChildren are easy to encourage. Instead of being on the lookout for what they do "wrong" or "bad", we should be on the lookout for what they do "right" or "good". Harp on the negative? You get sick of being around that type of person, no matter who they are! I think we should verbally tell our children when they have done well. I also touch my children. Who doesn't like a comforting touch? When I walk by one of them, I give them a back scratch, touch their hair, or give their shoulder a little squeeze. Even my 19 year old still enjoys a "mommy hug"! We also go on "dates” - just me and one of the children. Whether it is a trip to the store or we go out for a drink, it's just the two of us. We have great talks this way, and of course listening. No advice, just a handy ear. The children also enjoy receiving mail so I often mail them a small card. MOLLY MAHNKE Raytown, Missouri, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
Be Encouraged to EncourageTo encourage my children, I start with encouraging myself. I do this through reading God’s Word. I began a daily journal in 1997 after we began homeschooling. I realized that this was a task much bigger than I could handle in my own strength. I asked the Lord for one specific encouragement to write in my journal each day as I read through the Scriptures. I made it a priority and did it before I had any breakfast. I would purposely try to recall that encouraging word at specific times throughout the day and it helped me to encourage my children. I am challenged by the quote, “We will teach what we know, but we will reproduce who we are.” I try to use specific encouragement. Instead of a general "that was helpful” I say, “You saw dishes that needed to be put away and you did it. Thank you." Specific encouragement is a big motivator! I also look for their unique qualities and imagine how God can use those qualities to build His kingdom. My son has a brilliant wit, but can sometimes be hurtful to his siblings. He doesn't always communicate clearly, but expects others to understand his mumbling. I tell him regularly that I believe that one day he is going to communicate God's truths and have an impact for the Kingdom of God. He is beginning to speak more clearly and use his gifts to express himself thoughtfully. Another great way I encourage my children is to read them biographies of great Christians who have made an impact upon the world. We usually read one chapter of a biography after we read a chapter from the Bible. We have been inspired by so many great lives as we read how they made difficult choices to follow God or find unique ways to use their talents and gifts for His work. I am extremely encouraged to see my older sons seeking God and walking in His ways. It is wonderful to be able to discuss the things of God with our adult children and hear their burden to reach out to their generation! BECKY HASTINGS Cape Town, South Africa
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
A Forgiving AttitudeI really want my children to learn to seek forgiveness when they have wronged God or someone else but I don’t want to make them ask for forgiveness because it is given as a command. God burdened my heart to model asking for forgiveness to encourage them to do the same. When I sin against my children I ask for their forgiveness. It has been amazing to see their response and how much they learn from my example. Now my older children will come to me when I don't even know they have done something wrong, confess it and ask for forgiveness. MERCI HALE Olathe, Kansas, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
God StoriesMy six year old son, Elijah has been going through a time of doubting that God hears his prayers. He was getting surprisingly jaded for such a young child. So one night as I was putting the boys to bed, I began to tell them all the prayers that God has answered for us--money, health, a home, children--everything that I could think of. I even told of prayers that were not answered and how God had used that in our lives. I spoke with lots of animation and excitement. By the end of our talk, Elijah was smiling and his eyes were really shining. He still sometimes tells me that God doesn't answer his prayers, but I use this as a chance to talk about things that God can do during a time of telling us "no" or "not now." We talk about God's wisdom being greater than ours and how He can see and know things that we can't. An unanswered prayer is a time to trust. It encourages him to keep praying and challenges him to have a right attitude when he doesn't get what he wants. STEPHANIE LOVELAND Winchester, Kentucky, USA
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
I Love You! Since the day the eldest was born we have made a concerted effort to say to each child every day the words, "I love you" even if they are asleep when we remember to say it. We say these words to them whether they have had a good day with us or if they have incurred our displeasure. The children now automatically and naturally come up to both of us at various times of the day and tell us, “Mum/Dad "I love you." We have experienced sad times when either my wife or myself has shed tears for whatever reason. In that sad moment, we have felt their little arms coil around us and the words, "I love you, Mum/Dad" whispered into our ears. NEIL AND EMMA D’SILVA Sydney, Australia
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
I Left My Joy Behind
In early 1993, I heard the Gospel for the first time, and I responded with joy, receiving Christ as my Savior. My life was wonderful. I had a wonderful hard-working husband, two sweet children, a beautiful home, and the joy of the Lord bubbling up from within. I was a happy, stay-at-home mom, supremely content and totally in love with life. My heart was in my home. I loved keeping a home for my husband, making nice meals for him, washing and ironing his clothes. I loved playing with and reading to my children, taking long walks with them, singing songs, baking in my kitchen, and a myriad of other home-centered things. But, things changed. The message I kept hearing--in the church, in Christian books, and, of course, from Christian friends--was that I needed to be more involved in church ministries. I needed to have a “ministry.” I fell prey to this philosophy and jumped on board to get involved. I began attending the ladies’ Bible studies (sometimes two at a time, resulting in 20+ pages of homework a week), teaching Sunday School, overseeing the four-year-old nursery, joining the prayer chain, the nursing home visitation committee, the secret sisters, and several other “ministries” at the church. Although I had been very happy serving my family, I was taught that it was really not “ministry”, that “real” ministry had to be outside the home. It wasn’t considered “God’s work” if it didn’t involve church programs and activities. I packed my children into their car seats and headed off to the Bible studies or this or that committee meeting. I left my joy at home—and it would remain there for nearly 12 years! As I grew more involved in church activities, I had less and less time for my precious family. What had once been a source of joy for me, I now looked at as an intrusion on my “work for God.” I didn’t have time to clean my house anymore. The dust piled up, and, as a result, allergies, and eventually asthma kicked in for me (and my children as well). This led to chronic bronchitis, even pneumonia, and many months of antibiotics. I didn’t have time to cook healthy meals. We ate mostly junky, packaged stuff or fast food. I didn’t have time to do the laundry, unless, of course, my husband mentioned he needed socks or underwear. Angrily, I would get a load done. I rarely folded it, and he learned to get what he needed out of the dryer each morning. (I am weeping as I write this, because it is very painful to relive these years). I no longer read or played much with my children. I simply didn’t have the time, and being brutally honest, I would have said that I had “more important things” to do. It was not only church activities that kept me busy and out of the house. I was heavily involved in social outings, lessons of different kinds for my children, and homeschool activities. My health began to deteriorate. During the past twelve years, I suffered from migraines, digestive issues, constipation, skin rashes, joint pains, muscle pains, autoimmune issues, visual disturbances, secondary infertility, allergies, dizzy spells, sinus problems, fatigue, insomnia, weight gain, weight loss, and horrible depression. I know now that my body was SCREAMING at me to come back home. My joy was totally gone. I was a shell of the person I had once been. I could not understand what was wrong. Why was I so wretchedly unhappy? Why wasn’t I fulfilled? Why did I feel as though I had lost something I could not get back? Finally, a little over a year ago, the Lord spoke to my heart through many passages in the Bible. One was Proverbs 7:11 which talks about the adulterous woman and her feet never staying at home. Another passage was Proverbs 19:3 where it says that a person ruins his life through his own folly and then is angry at the Lord. Another was Psalm 77 where David laments the good old days when his nights were filled with joyful songs. As I pondered my “good old days when my nights were filled with joyful songs”, the Lord brought me to Titus 2:3-5. At that point, I saw CLEARLY why I had lost my joy (and my health). I had ceased doing what God had put on my heart to do. I was looking for fulfillment in church ministry, when he had given me a ministry right in my own home. I had a husband to minister to, encourage, and love. I had children to train and disciple for the Lord. I had been neglecting this in order to do what I thought was “more important.” Now, my heart has come home, and I am supremely joyful again. I am content with loving my husband and my children and being a keeper of the home. My health is better than it has been in years. It is a ministry to serve your family. The Lord does not intend for you to do dozens of church ministries. His will is that you love your husband, ,your children and homemaking. (Titus 2:3-5 NIV).The older women weren’t told to train the younger women to attend all the Bible studies or do all the church activities, but to “love their husbands and children and be busy at home.” (Titus 2:3-5). Actually, you do not even have to go out of your house for Bible study. I am currently working through Nancy Campbell’s The Power of Motherhood . It is excellent, eye-opening, and I highly recommend it. Waiting for me after I finish it is The Family Meal Table and Hospitality. I believe that many women today are joyless, stressed, discouraged, sick, and exhausted because they are seeking to do that which God has not called them to do. Their spirits and their bodies are crying out to slow down their frantic pace and to put their whole heart into serving their families. Sadly, like me, they have been deceived into thinking that it is not ministry. Motherhood is a ministry. There is no nothing more important you could be doing. PATTI GARDNER Nampa, Idaho, USA
|